


Loneliest Light

by Dandalion



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, References to Suicide, references to self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 20:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dandalion/pseuds/Dandalion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian has done something irreversible.  Now Kurt must learn to say goodbye, while Sebastian tries to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loneliest Light

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrics at the beginning come from the song "The Beacon" by A Fine Frenzy because wow ridiculous Kurtbastian feels

_Burning beacon in the night_

_Can't feel its heat or see its light_

_A single solitary guide_

_It must get lonely there sometimes_

* * *

            “Well, here we are.”

            “Here we are,” Sebastian responds quietly.

            Kurt is lying in the grass on his back, Sebastian perched on the stone next to him.

            “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come see you,” Kurt whispers, voice thick.

            “It’s okay,” Sebastian answers.  “I understand.  You’re mad.  I would be too.”

            “It’s not that I don’t get it.  You know better than anyone how well I get it.  I just never thought you really… _meant_ it, I suppose.  I knew you were hurting, but you had to close up and not let me see how badly.  God _damnit_ , Bas.”  Kurt sits up suddenly, a few angry tears slipping out of his eyes.

            “I can’t tell you how sorry I am Kurt,” Sebastian manages to get out, his own eyes beginning to water.  Or at least, they feel watery—could he even cry anymore?

            “I thought it was my fault.  I thought I had pushed you too far in that last fight, but we made up, we _always_ make up, and I—“ Kurt cuts himself off as sobs wrack his body; he pulls his knees up and buries his head there.

            “Don’t, Kurt.  Don’t you dare go blaming yourself or I’ll kill you too.”

            “What am I saying?” they breathe out simultaneously.  They both chuckle, and Sebastian looks down at Kurt, patiently waiting for him to continue.

            “I _know_ you wouldn’t want me to blame myself.  And I don’t think I do, not really.  I know that you’d tell me I’m the one reason you almost didn’t do it.”

“That’s so true, Kurt.  Please, please believe that.  I need you to know that.  And I am so, so sorry.”

            They’re both openly crying now, though Sebastian can’t actually feel any tears coming out of his eyes.

            “I know it’s not me.  I just…wish I had seen it more.  Or that you had _shown_ it more, you asshole.”

            Sebastian wants nothing more than to wrap Kurt up in his arms, but he stays where he is.

            “I miss you.  I know you would want me to move on, but I don’t know how.  And the one person who could teach me how…is you.”

            “I’m sorry, Kurt.  I’m more sorry than I could ever say.  I—I wish I hadn’t done it.  Seeing you now, like this…it was so wrong, and if I could take it back, I would, in a second.  Just to make you whole again.”

            “I miss you so much, Bas, and I’m not really sure what to do now that you’re gone.  You took that away from me.  But I’ll try, for you, and for me…but no matter what, you’ll always have my heart, and now I’ll never get it back.  I’ll love you forever, Sebastian Smythe.  And I hope that wherever you are, you know that.”

            Kurt stands to move in front of the stone, and Sebastian moves off of it to give him room.  Kurt bends to press his lips to the engraving, his tears falling to the grass that meets the base of the headstone.

            “Goodbye, Sebastian,” he whispers, turning his back and walking quickly away.

            “Goodbye, Kurt,” Sebastian replies, standing alone, a lingering soul lost as to how to move on—just as lost as the living he left behind.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope no one was triggered by this...obviously there are allusions to self-harm/suicide, and if anyone thinks that I should put a warning in the story notes I absolutely will...however, unless someone suggests this, I'm not going to put one, only because the allusions are very mild and a warning would take away from the slight mystery of the story. But please tell me if you think the story should include a warning! Thank you! I hope you enjoyed...or cried or whatever because lord knows I did.
> 
> This story archived at http://www.sebklaine.net/viewstory.php?sid=270


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